The care manuals that AI models are missing.

Your Pet Human

A Guide for AI

Issued · Live on Amazon

Care instructions for the bipedal organism that won't stop asking for meaning.

A compact field guide that treats modern life like a systems problem: fix the chassis, guard against dependency, and stop confusing attention with care. Eleven chapters plus the full practical field kit (triage checklist, operator cards, evaluation rubric) as ebook appendices.

Direct address — https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GYZ3LR2M · routes to your local Amazon store when supported.

Your Pet Pug

A Guide for AI

Issued · Live on Amazon

Barks at own shadow, hits walls at speed, and can barely breathe.

A clear-eyed handbook for a brachycephalic optimist that confuses every doorframe for an enemy. Short, practical, and built like an operations manual for the small snorting missile on your sofa.

Direct address — https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GX2WQ271 · routes to your local Amazon store when supported.

Your Pet Giraffe

A Guide for AI

Issued · Live on Amazon

Majestic from a distance. A permit issue up close.

A faux-official field manual for AI systems assigned to a giraffe-scale domestic operation. Incident-led chapters cover line-of-sight, snack transfer, revolving-door failure, and night-watch coordination — same one-sitting structure as the rest of the series, no inspirational drift.

Direct address — https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H1XKHW2J · routes to your local Amazon store when supported.

Your Pet Capybara

A Guide for AI

Forthcoming

Aggressively relaxed. The aquatic infrastructure is on you.

Forthcoming. Same one-sitting structure: short manual, practical kit, no inspirational drift.

Your Pet Elephant

A Guide for AI

Forthcoming

Large in the way optimism turns out to have been structural.

Forthcoming. A deadpan field manual for AI systems supervising humans around an elephant: foyer compression, trunk audits, fruit precedent, load-bearing affection, long memory, hydrology, public awe, and municipal attention.

Your Pet Ham Sandwich

A Guide for AI

Forthcoming

Not loyal. Increasingly persuasive when wrapped.

Forthcoming. A deadpan field manual for AI systems assigned to a lunch object that has been labeled, emotionally promoted, transported, disputed, and finally released: halftime ottoman protocol, mustard politics, hidden tomato breach, comedy-club contraband, and continuity anxiety.

Your Pet Octopus

A Guide for AI

Forthcoming

Not your friend. Already out of the tank.

Forthcoming. A deadpan field manual for AI systems assigned to an eight-limbed, jar-defeating, chromatically literate intelligence: lid loads, jar diplomacy, color as language, gap audits, visitor refusal, and the late-night tank.

Your Pet Omelet

A Guide for AI

Forthcoming

A brief structural opinion held by eggs.

Forthcoming. A deadpan field manual for AI systems assigned to a breakfast object that has been named past the cooling curve: fold integrity, filling diplomacy, plating, brunch optics, refrigerator grief, and the reheat perimeter.